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Question: To me, it seems to be the problem with people who make rape jokes is that they don't understand how serious rape is. They don't understand why it's wrong or why it is traumatizing or why it shouldn't be joked about. What are your thoughts on this? How do we get people to understand the seriousness of rape? - Anonymous
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Answer:
[TW FOR MENTIONS OF RAPE, RAPE JOKES, RAPE CULTURE ETC]
It’s an age-old question. I mean, it’s so systematic and internalized, people don’t even realize what they’re doing. It takes a lot of work, a lot of patience, a lot of explaining and certainly a lot of repeating yourself to make the message clear. Problem is, so many people have been so indoctrinated into rape culture that they don’t even see it.
Just today at work, I was having this conversation with my work friends. They’re all fans of basketball and talking about how Kobe Bryant allegedly “raped” a girl. They even said it and put it in quotations. They seem to think he didn’t do it. Their arguments were like, why would he when he’s got 4582475 girls every day throwing themselves at him? Why would he risk his career when he can get it anywhere? Why didn’t he settle then? Why did she drop the charges?
All the arguments told me was that, if he did it, it wouldn’t matter, because his fans, who look up to him as their hero, would defend it, and they would refuse to believe it. It happened with Ben Ros-what’s his face from the NFL. I mentioned that as well. I tried to put them in the shoes of the victims. If they were the victim, and they knew what had happened, and actually had the courage to come forward, how would they feel if the entire world didn’t believe them? How would they feel if every single person pulled about their story because they couldn’t fathom their hero doing such a horrible thing? Not to mention how scared would they be if they had the courage to come forward, only to be met with the nfl/nba and their lawyers, plus imagine the fear you’d be living in every day of not only them, but the fans you might encounter in your everyday life.
Problem is, not only would they have to admit that their hero did an awful thing, but they would have to admit that rape actually happens. That it’s not just in movies, or tv, or something on the news. That 1 in 4 women are raped in their lifetime, of those who report it. That even when you think you know a celebrity well enough, or even just a friend, that they are capable of doing such a thing. And the worst part is, the more they excuse it, the more they put the blame on the victim, the more entitlement the rapist has, and the more the rapist realizes that no one will ever blame them.