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If you think men can’t control themselves in front of a short skirt, who’s the real misandrist?
yes i am a slut by clementine cannibal (by ClementineCannibal)
5 Ways the GOP’s War on Women Is Fueling Rape Culture
It’s been an explosively successful year for anti-choice legislators, lobbyists, and supporters. It seems every day there’s news of a new abortion (or birth control) restriction being introduced or passed in some state legislature, each story containing painfully ignorant quotations from the legislator who authored the bill. Here are five ways that recently introduced and enacted GOP policies have nothing to do with life, and everything to do with rape culture.
- Most anti-choice activists, lobbying groups, and politicians don’t support exceptions for rape and incest. That means that anyone who happens to be impregnated by the same person who rapes them is out of luck – or rights, more accurately – when it comes to reclaiming their body should they want to do that through not having to carry their pregnancy to term. According to some politicians, bills that exist without rape exceptions need to remain draconian in order to weed out the liars from the truly assaulted. This unfounded claim that victims of rape and incest are likely to lie – as well as the creation of a hierarchy of victims – sure looks like rape culture. But give Indiana Republican Eric Turner a break – he was trying to be careful to not “disparage in any way someone who has gone through the experience of a rape or incest”. He was just voting in favor of a bill that strips them of their right to bodily autonomy. At least he was nice about it!
- The GOP is dehumanizing an entire class of people in the same way rapists do. If there’s one thing anti-choicers are ironically good at, it’s completely dehumanizing a particular class of people – folks capable of becoming pregnant. You might recall the recent comparison of women to livestock, as made by Georgia Republican Terry England – livestock farmer?, legislator, and human rights aficionado – during a debate on a bill that would have restricted abortion access in the state to before 20 weeks gestation. It really breaks Mr. England’s heart to see baby cows and pigs not make it. So why can’t we legislate that human livestock be forced to use their bodies against their will to make sure all human babies make it? This type of comparison is literal dehumanization, and as most folks know, it’s much easier to commit human rights abuses on folks when they’re not considered human. For further examples, Rush Limbaugh’s recent foray into the world of calling young women “sluts” for wanting birth control.
- Anti-choice politicians are completely unconcerned with consent.What’s interesting about anti-choice politicians is that, as much as they like to think of pregnant folks as piggies on the farm about to pop with a new profitable litter, they still like to paint themselves as ultra-concerned with informed consent. This claim is made – ironically – as they continue to push through forced-ultrasound, mandatory waiting periods for obtaining a legal abortion, and fetal pain bills. Apparently, the only consent that matters is that which these (predominantly male and white) legislators deem important.
The basis for these bills aimed at providing “informed consent” to women seeking abortions is not scientifically informed itself. Take, for example, the fetal pain bill fad that’s these wily kids are trying to bring into vogue this season. These bills are passed on the basis that a fetus is capable of feeling pain at 20 weeks, even though medical experts have repeatedly proven that to be false. It seems that the strategy for fetal pain legislation includes the “lying for the Lord” tactic that the religious right has become so fond of.
And speaking of informed consent, where do Republicans stand on allowing doctors to lie to pregnant women about birth defects and genetic disorders their fetus may have? They’re perfectly fine with that – as long as it’s all in the name of preventing abortions.
Transvaginal ultrasounds are another anti-choice flavor of the month. Virginia’s controversial law requires these ultrasounds before any pregnant person can obtain an abortion. Several other states require other forms of ultrasounds before getting an abortion, and Texas has implemented the transvaginal ultrasound requirement for 45 days now. These unnecessary procedures are performed regardless of whether the person in question is a victim of rape or incest. They are another invasion of the patient’s body, and if the patient looks away, they must still be subjected to the spoken description of the fetus whether they want to be or not. All of these attacks are a blatant disrespect for the concept of consent – outrageously under the very guise of “informed consent”!
- Shame and misinformation is central in the GOP’s discussion of sex.Another favorite facet of the anti-choice movement is the spectacular failure that is abstinence-only education. The basis of abstinence only sex ed is that there are zero choices regarding sexuality outside of “NO” and “BABIES”. Incredibly, the same people who are so adamant about saying “no” don’t seem to understand – or perhaps care – that there are other people out there who simply won’t take that response for an answer. Sharing lollipops as a means of demonstrating that people (with an emphasis on girls) who have sex before marriage are used up and covered in spit is also no way of training young people on assertiveness and sexual negotiation.
Not only does abstinence-only education completely erase and forget about people who become pregnant as a result of rape, but they don’t even shed any light on sexual assault as a thing that exists in the real world, or something that can possibly be assuaged by clear, concise, and assertive sexual communication. Essentially, they are helping to create a culture of sexual ignorance – something that is a huge contributor to rape culture. If a person is never taught about sex, consent, and communication beyond “no” or “yes”, they are more likely to commit sexual assault.
- The GOP has no regard for bodily autonomy. Forcing someone to carry a pregnancy against their will is a violation of their right to exist as a self-contained and self-realized entity. It is literally forced organ donation. In the same way that a rapist uses their victim’s body for their own ends, so does the state when it seeks to restrict access to legal abortions. The GOP has an agenda that includes all pregnancies being carried to term. They have devoted the last two years to exert force to achieve that end. When the state can use and violate the bodies of its citizens at will, is there even a question that the legislators in favor of such laws are perpetuating rape culture? Restricting abortion devalues the agency of the pregnancy-capable person and thus fosters a culture in which personal agency is devalued on a macro and micro level.
Unfortunately, rape culture is pervasive and multi-faceted. It can be difficult to tackle all of the aspects of it as a means of eradicating rape and other forms of sexual abuse. However, an easy and instantly beneficial way is to curb the anti-choice enthusiasm that’s been bursting onto the political scene ever since Republicans got voted into office on the promise of job creation. The fight for reproductive rights is not just about abortion and access to it. This is about what our culture is going to look like, what is going to be permissible within it, and how it is going to be structured. As long as attacks on reproductive freedom are a major tenet of the Republican platform, every Republican in office is an emblem of the negative effects anti-choice policies and rhetoric wreak on both US culture at large, and for the individuals made victim to it.
[TW FOR RAPE APOLOGY/JOKES] Belvedere Vodka Makes Ad Joking About Rape, Pulls It After Outrage Ensues
I’m convinced some companies don’t have women OR minorities on their marketing teams because the offensive ads just keep coming.
Today, high-end vodka company Belvedere posted an ad to its Facebook page which depicted a man grabbing an unwilling woman from behind and the tagline, “Unlike some people, Belvedere always goes down smoothly.”
Really?!?
Belvedere quickly pulled the ad after many chimed in on its Facebook and Twitter pages about its offensive nature, but the fact that it was made in the first place speaks volumes about the company.
Belvedere quickly issued a half-hearted apology, tweeting, “We apologize to any of our fans who were offended by our recent tweet. We continue to be an advocate of safe and responsible drinking.”
Oh…that’s SO much better, and by better I mean…are you kidding me?! But I do know one thing: I know what type of vodka not to buy next I’m ordering my gimlet.
UPDATE
Late this afternoon, I received an email from the folks over on Belvedere Vodka apologizing, again, for the offensive ad. This updated apology seems a bit more thought out.
Check it:
“I am Jason Lundy, SVP of Global Marketing for Belvedere.
Unfortunately a Facebook & Twitter posting was made today that has offended many of our fans and followers — and indeed the people who work here at Belvedere. The post is absolutely inconsistent with our values and beliefs and in addition to removing the offensive post we are committed to making sure that something like this doesn’t happen again. As an expression of our deep disappointment and regret, we are making a charitable donation to a women’s support cause. We deeply apologize to our fans & followers.”
“But not all white people are like that”
Dear White people;
Ok, I get it. There’s some asshole white people doing asshole things to POC and people are angry at them for being assholes and your natural first reaction may be to make sure you’re not lumped in with them. So you say, “But not all white people are like that.” That’s not helping anyone and it kinda reeks of “reverse racism syndrome”.
Don’t be angry or sad or upset at POC because they are saying, “I hate white people”. They are being oppressed at the hands of asshole white people. POC have every right to be fucking angry at those asshole douchebag racist white people since they are the reason for their oppression. You can’t blame a POC for being angry at them.
But you CAN blame the asshole racist douchefuck white people for being asshole racist douchefuck white people. Get angry AT THEM. Get angry at the people who are being assholes. Don’t get angry at the people who are the victims of racist assholery.
[tw for the following for mentions of rape culture etc]
Much like when I talk about the stereotype of (cis)men being rapists. I don’t want to believe that all men are rapists. I want to believe they can control themselves and are not slaves to their hormones. I know that not all men are rapists. I know that rape occurs among many different types of victims and also have many different types of perpetrators. But for teh menz complaining about the silly wimminz being afraid of men because they might be a rapist, why do you think that is?
You don’t complain to the victim of oppression and say, “How dare you think that all people like me are asshole oppressors like you’ve experienced in your life”. No. That’s not how it works. You get fucking angry that there are (cis) men who are exacerbating the stereotype that all men rape. You get angry that there are white people exacerbating the stereotype that all white people are racist. You call shit out, you stop bullshit/assholery when you see it. And granted, for those of us who are people of privilege, we may not necessarily recognize racism right away and it may take some time. But the point is, you don’t bitch and complain and say oh woe is me these POC think all white people are mean, I should complain and set them straight. You get mad at the people who are exacerbating the stereotype. You get angry at the people who are treating other people like shit. You don’t get angry at the people being treated like shit.
You do not empower women by blaming the victim.
[TW FOR RAPE, RAPE CULTURE, VICTIM BLAMING ETC]
So some coworkers of mine today at work got into a discussion of Kobe Bryant allegedly raping a woman. One coworker thought it was suspicious that the charges were dropped. Another thought it was interesting that there was no settlement. Another argued that he wouldn’t have done that and risk his career, especially if he has so much sex available to him with the amounts of women “throwing themselves” at him. And then another said that as women, we can empower ourselves and control the situation.
Let me make something very clear. You CANNOT empower women by blaming the victim. Controlling the situation, calling the shots, can be empowering. But if you think that controlling the situation and calling the shots will prevent you from getting raped, I have news for you; it won’t. Rape is about control, so it doesn’t matter how you steer the conversation or try to call the shots. The rapist has taken control. That’s what rape does. And this whole idea that if you had somehow changed YOUR course of action, as a victim, then maybe things would have turned out differently, that is false. Doesn’t matter what you said to the rapist. It doesn’t matter what you did. If they want to take control of the situation and rape you, that’s what’s going to happen. If you think that you could have somehow prevented it by doing or saying something differently, you’re wrong. That’s putting more blame on the victim and less on the rapist. Reducing rapists again, to nothing more than animals who are slaves to their hormones. The more an attitude like that continues to perpetuate that sense of entitlement to rapists, the more rape will happen. Unless we start putting the blame where the blame should be, with the rapist, then we will continue to live in the vicious cycle. That’s why it’s so important to call out rape apology, victim blaming and rape jokes. People need to stop their line of thinking in their tracks, because it’s dangerous.
How to Be a Good Guy on the Sidewalk
A number of men have asked us the same question recently: if you’re walking on a dark street near a lady, how can you let her know you’re not a threat? So this week, we offer some tips for dudes who’d like to help women feel more comfortable in public spaces.
Act normal.
Neal Irvin, executive director of Men Can Stop Rape, told me the most important thing men can do to help women feel safe around them is to “be matter-of-fact and consistent in how you’d walk past a woman.” Don’t stare or gaze lingeringly at her — just pass on by the way you’d pass by another dude. Joanne Smith, coauthor of Hey, Shorty!: A Guide to Combating Sexual Harassment and Violence in Schools and on the Streets and executive director of Girls for Gender Equity, concurs:
Treat a woman and girl like they are your equal, like you would another man and boy as he walks down the streets. You would give him his own personal space, if you wanted his attention to ask him something you would assess his non verbal cues, ask him from a comfortable distance so he doesn’t feel threatened, accept his answer and move on. Do the same thing to women and girls as we walk down the street.
Don’t walk too close.
One way to help a lady feel safe in public space is to give her space. Says Smith,
I want to stress that men and boys should not walk too close to women and girls – it’s creepy and threatening. Give us our personal space, if we want to engage in a conversation we will make that very clear. Don’t touch our hair or grab us by the hand. If you say, “hello” or “can I talk to you for a minute”, if we want to engage we prefer to do so willingly, not because we are threatened by you and think that we have to stop our you will be angry. That’s not the way to start a relationship.
You don’t have to stay a block behind her, just don’t crowd her. You probably have an idea of what a non-creepy distance feels like. Emily May of Hollaback! says that “people can read intent,” and if you’re not trying to get too close to a woman or stare at her, she’ll probably feel better.
Announce yourself.
If you’re walking behind a woman and you don’t want to scare her, you could try just announcing your presence. Smith tells this story of “a time when I was leisurely walking with a female friend down the street as the sun was going down, we were the only two people I could see for a few blocks”:
As we were walking we could hear the distant scuff of boots quickly approaching us from behind but before we could turn our heads around to see who was coming our way we heard, “hey ladies, I just want to give you a heads up that I’m coming up behind you ” when we turned around the man was about 10 feet behind us simply walking a lot faster then us and on his way to his next destination. As he passed us we said, “thank you for the heads up” he said “no problem, just didn’t want to startle or scare you. Have a good night” — this was a man that understood that men approaching women on the street (for whatever the reason) will more likely than not be perceived by women as threatening and that he could help to curve that feeling and myth ‘that all men are dangerous’ by simply giving us a heads up. It’s one example of what more men should do (especially at night) to help women feel less threatened by their presence.
Sometimes just a heads-up is enough to let a lady know you’re a decent dude and not planning to attack her.
Make a call.
Irvin described a time when he was walking behind a woman who was becoming visibly agitated by his presence. One trick he tried to set her at ease was calling his fiancee on his cell phone. Obviously just making a phone call doesn’t mean you’re not a threat — but it could be a way of showing a woman that you’re not focused on her. Depending on the situation, this could be enough to make her feel better.
A quick hello will suffice.
If you’re approaching a woman face-to-face, Irvin says the “matter-of-fact and consistent” rule still applies. Greet her with “a little eye contact and a hello, or even no hello.” Holly Kearl, author of Stop Street Harassment: Making Public Places Safe and Welcoming for Women and founder of Stop Street Harassment, says,
If they make eye contact, he could give a nice, friendly smile and nod, but if they’re just passing each other on the street, I wouldn’t recommend speaking, unless it’s just a simple “hello” or “good evening ma’am.” If they’re standing somewhere, like waiting for a light to change or waiting for a bus, he should keep some distance from her and not stare and again keep any conversation limited to hello unless she initiates a conversation first.
If you want to talk more, wait for a better opportunity.
Contrary to men’s rights stereotypes, respecting a lady’s personal space does not mean no one ever dates and the human race ceases to exist. It merely entails acknowledging that if you want to get to know a lady, a dark street is not the place to start. She may be scared and even resentful, and probably won’t be receptive. Says Kearl,
If a man really wants to approach a woman to meet her, he should pick a populated area and preferably not do it when he is with friends but she is alone or when it’s dark. He could start off with a hello and neutral small talk and if she reacts well — smiling and eye contact — then continue on to asking more about herself or asking for her phone number. But making sure it is a setting where she will hopefully feel comfortable is important or else he could make her feel unsafe from the start without meaning to.
Trust us, a lady is going to like you a lot more if she feels comfortable and safe.
Listen to women, and advocate for them.
The above are all situational things a guy can do when he’s already on the street with a lady. But there are some general steps he can take too. May says men can help women as a whole by “asking them about their experiences and offering a safe space to talk” — she adds that many men are shocked when they find out how bad street harassment really is, and that “male outrage can be really comforting.” It can be nice to know that someone gets it — and is angry on your behalf. Irvin also notes that guys can talk to other guys about appropriate boundaries with women, and let their friends know they’ll be held accountable for violating those. And men can be active in anti-street-harassment campaigns or lobby their lawmakers to take the issue more seriously. Kearl says “the most important thing for men to understand is that most women perceive public places differently from most men” — but by being decent and helping other guys do the same, men can help women in public feel more like equals.
Men Can Stop Rape [Official Site]
Hey, Shorty!: A Guide to Combating Sexual Harassment and Violence in Schools and on the Streets [Amazon]
Girls for Gender Equity [Official Site]
Hollaback! [Official Site]
Stop Street Harassment: Making Public Places Safe and Welcoming for Women [Official Site]
Stop Street Harassment [Official Site]
Fox News pundit Liz Trotta on women getting raped in the military: "Now, what did they expect?"
Via Mother Jones magazine on TumblrGee, she must have a pretty low opinion of male soldiers. And women. But as we found out, she didn’t have those problems when she was a “combat” reporter in Vietnam.
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